Engage Church
Engaging God, People, and Culture

For The Culture

Finding “The One”

In our world today, there is no doubt that we are all about finding “the one”; our timelines overflow with increasingly impossible relationship goals, romantic comedies flood our minds with ideals of false perfection in areas of love and marriage, and it seems that most times we just can’t seem to get it right by those standards. Often, relationships lead to more stress and anxiety, marriages struggle, and we just can’t understand why it didn’t happen the way it happened in the movie. It up to us to create a culture where we mold our relationship ideals through a Godly point of view and love better and more freely as a result.

In order to stop the cycle of running in circles chasing “the one” (the one person, the one perfect marriage, the one date night a week that would satisfy us, etc etc etc), we must pursue and maintain healthy relationships. We must write new rules and redefine our standards regarding love. Adopting standards of love that mirror God can transform the way that our relationships work and allow us to gain more satisfaction in what He has for us rather than what we have in mind.

Before we get anywhere romantically, we must first recognize that we are designed for a right relationship with both God and ourselves. We have to embrace what God has done for us in order to love from a fully loved and confident place. Many times, when people are dating, and even when they’re married, they work so hard to avoid rejection that they present what they think their partner wants rather than being their true selves. In trying their best to give the other person “what they want,” they disregard who God has made them to be in an effort to make a relationship work and receive acceptance. If we want healthy relationships, we’ve got to remember and embrace the one who has already accepted us.

In order to have Christ-centered, healthy relationships, we must recognize the price of love; God’s sacrificial love for us led him to make the ultimate sacrifice in Christ’s death and resurrection so that we could be accepted. When we recognize the weight of God’s sacrificial love, we can receive total acceptance from Him and learn to love in a way that mirrors his love for us. Engaging with God regularly and learning more about his love for us can help us love from a place where we are fully loved by God. Loving from a place of overflow can change the game and allow us to love people in a way that says “what’s best for you?” rather than “what’s best for me.”

Yielding control of our relationships to Him, both married and unmarried, causes us to examine how we are loving; many times in our culture today, we don’t love for the sake of the of others, but for our own sake. This selfish mentality towards love develops an unhealthy dependency on others to fulfill our needs, and a selfish mentality towards love. Loving in this “what’s in it for me” mentality creates idols in our lives, putting other things before God to fill the void in our hearts. We are designed to have a right relationship with God to fulfill our needs and allow us to love freely. Being a Christian should flip love upside down; rather than focusing on ourselves, God teaches us to focus on our neighbors and look for ways to serve them and love them, whether they be romantic or not.

If we first have a true understanding of who we are in Christ and of who God is, we can combat this kind of stress-filled, marathon mentality that we bring into relationships when we’re so consumed with the end goal of finding (and staying with) “the one”. Allowing the fear of rejection to drive our relationships can lead us to take matters into our own hands just to make it last. Being in right relationship with God and continually drawing nearer to Him takes the anxiety and stress out of the equation and allows the Lord to lead us towards Him and closer together in His name, focusing on “the One” who is greater than all of “the ones” here on Earth.

- Dr. Mike Zoda

Ashley Ervin